I’m looking out the window and watching the rain dance upon the pavement. Not a soft rain, but a downpour. The kind that sweeps across sidewalks.The kind that kicks up dirt. The kind that falls sideways, seemingly not coming from the sky at all. The rain that hurts when it doesn’t just bounce off of your skin, but almost penetrates it. No chance of staying dry. And the wind howls, reminding me of chilly autumn nights, when leaves have started to fall, and there is a constant echo of the world and its stirrings.
And I think, Jesus, I need to be washed by You. Flooded with the awareness of Your Spirit within me. I need a hard rain of Jesus. Not just a sprinkling. Not just a taste of Him here and there, but flooding of Jesus through my body and soul.
I can’t help but relate this to emotions. Really, I’m just learning that I have emotions. Mine have always been the reflection of someone else’s. Normally, I run and I do, so I don’t have to feel. So I don’t have to face the weather of my emotions. Storms aren’t pretty. It’s easier to run. But when you run too long from a storm, you get weak and weary and worn and that storm cloud catches up with you. And things come raining down. And suddenly you have to deal with them if you want to be well.
So, as hard as it is, I say Jesus, I want to be well. Rain down on me. Shelter me from the storm. Wrapped in Your arms, the stings aren’t so hard. They often bounce right off of me. Rain down on me every hurt, every loss, every fear, every mistake, every lie, every pain. I know I won’t face them alone. Help me deal. Help me heal.
Rain.Tears. Jesus help me to let the tears spill from my eyes. I hold them in and they sit there, cupped below my eye, just on the verge of falling but I only let them get so far. I’m afraid of what will happen if I just let it rain. And then I remember the Lord collects my tears in a bottle. And I remember He knows how I feel. He felt it all. And I’m comforted. It’s still hard but I’m comforted. It’s amazing how you can feel calm and peace in the middle of a storm when Jesus is your Savior.
Wind. Like a slap in the face. Deception, lies. I feel trampled on. I feel like used goods. Tossed aside. The love offered by others throughout my life had a different definition than I had in mind. I’ve felt used and tossed like a rag doll. A heart that couldn’t possibly have given more is torn. But it’s still there. It’s still beating. And that’s God in me. I smile and I remember Jesus. And how I am His daughter. And I imagine my Father holding me. And how proud God is of me even when I’m misunderstood by others. Taken for granted. It’s time for me to bask in His love and light. I hold my head up, close my eyes, and soak in His truths. It’s time for me to stop picking and choosing what I want to believe. I choose to believe everything God says about me, even if I don’t feel it. Even if I don’t feel deserving. I’m not. That’s what’s so cool about this. It’s a gift. It’s grace.
Echoes. The voices. The voices of Satan telling me so many lies. You’re not good enough, thin enough, important enough, you’re a burden, you’ve got too many problems to love, you’re unlovable, and the lies he has spoken through the lips of “loved ones”. They echo. Once such words dart from another’s lips, they echo. They echo. They echo. And they echo. And I want to have it out with Satan. I want to tell him to leave me alone! But there’s something I can do that is so much more powerful. Not in my strength, but in His. I whisper His name. Jesus. Sometimes I say it out loud. Jesus. Sometimes I SCREAM it! JESUS!! JESUS, HELP! And He does. The devil flees at the sound of His name. But I draw nearer with that sound. Jesus. His sweet, soothing name. Sometimes too weary to utter another word, I can say that name, Jesus.
My protection during the hurricane.
When others fail me, He still remains.
In His wings I am safe and warm.
With Him I will make it through the storm.
By His wounds I am healed.
His word is true no matter what I feel.
People can take a lot from me.
But no one can take away….
Jesus, rain on me……..
Written by one of our friends of RFW ~ Erica