Something New

The tears hit the pillow, how could they understand?They don’t give her the love she needs, so she found it in a man. She drinks to kill memories, acts out to kill the pain. Why did they even have her? Probably in vain. She needed so much more, than to be an accessory in their life. She tested herself human, by cutting with a knife. She goes to the doctor’s office, she thinks it’s just the flu. But she learns about the gift of life, a coming of something new. She tried to keep her secret, but mom already knew. A baby boy was coming, what was I to do? I promised I would love him, we’d never be apart. But how was I to know that, when – I had an empty heart. I turned to another man, to fill the empty space. I became dependent on his time, his love and his embrace. We became a family, the start of something new. I gave all I had to give, then he left me too. I had no more fight in me, had no will to live. How could I do anything? I had nothing left to give. I started doing pain pills, another something new. I felt a huge void in my life, it’s because I hadn’t met you. I cried for your protection, to see your lovely face. Why wouldn’t you come and hold me, I needed your embrace. My flesh won a battle, one I wasn’t ready for, Because I discovered heroin, and my body needed more. I masked my pain with chemicals, my life became a mess. You heard my cries from heaven, your child was in distress. You sent your angels to save me, something I couldn’t do. How could it be that easy? All I needed was you. You stood by me in the prison, a hell called withdrawal. You comforted me when I was in so much pain, I was clawing at the wall. You pushed me to my limit, giving me a test. Was I ready to give you my heart? And die to my own flesh? I made the decision to trust you and let you take the reigns, I never thought you could restore me or free me from my pain. I feel you all around me, better than any high, So with that I tell my heroin, I have to say goodbye.

Written by a guest at Refuge for Women